Expectations and Reality.

After a long time of dreaming about random things (or having nightmares), finally, this 22nd of April, I dreamt about her. It was the sweetest dream. The most reassuring one for me. I can’t remember exactly what happened but she was there and I know she was comforting me (I can’t remember why) and that made me feel so secured even when I woke up. Of all the dreams that I’ve had last night until the time I woke up today, it’s the only part I remember. It’s nice…no, really really nice to have at last dreamed of something that says “Be strong honey, i’m always here for you. I’m always by your side even if you can’t see me”. I’m so overwhelmed by the thought of her that I missed her so much and that I started my day crying. She is truly my one and only sanctuary. 

♫♪”I’ll be waiting for youuu! Here inside my heart. I’m the one who wants to love you moooooooore”♫♪

Favorite ko yang kantahin nung bata ako. Sa videoke pa. Feeling ko ba ang galing galing kong kumanta. Lagi pang mataas score ko nun eh. Pag hindi, umiiyak ako. Haha. Grabe, narealize ko na little things really make children happy. The innocence that we have when we’re young…it’s priceless. Minsan gusto ko ding bumalik sa mga panahong yun eh. Yung mga panahong everything seems so uncomplicated.

“Tumira na sana si Nimfa (stepmom ko) dito (bahay namin) para may dahilan na ko para umalis”

-Lola Zenaida (parang mayordoma namin sa bahay)

Si Lola Zenaida, sya lahat sa gawaing bahay. Luto, laba, lampaso… ganyan. Although, kanya kanyang urong naman kami, that much work is more than enough for her to decide to leave us already. Inaamin ko, tamad kaming lahat sa bahay. Walang nagwawalis o nag-aayos ng kama o kung ano pa man kase we only do such things pag nagkamood lang kami para we can do them right. Naaawa na ko sa matanda actually. I personally don’t want her to do work anymore. I just want her to relax. Pero she won’t stop, not because she wanted to do those things, but because she feel obliged to do them. Yung line na sinabi nya, it hurt me. I feel na kasalanan pa namin if she dies unhappy. Parang we are taking her happiness away. Kaya isusuggest ko kay Lola Nely (Lola ko sa father’s side) na hayaan na si Lola Zenaida na tumira sa mga anak nya at kami na lang ang bahala dito sa bahay. It will be hard for us I know, but I can accept or do anything to make this old woman happy.

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(Source: fuckyeahpbbteenedition4)